Relationships 101, Part 6: Shared Vision
One of the things that first attracts us to others is a sense of shared vision. When we are first getting to know someone who intrigues us, we tend to get enamored with this idea that we have found a person who understands us – who sees life similarly to the way we do. We often commit to long-term relationships and marriages because we believe we have found someone who shares a life vision with us.
As time goes on, many couples find that they not only do not have the same life vision, but begin to wonder if they even live on the same planet. We learn two important things:
1. We do not always mean the same thing when we use the same words, and
2. Everyone has a gap between what we want to be true and what is actually true about us. Our partner’s gap can sometimes feel quite threatening and we are not always aware of our own.
This is why we need to check in periodically with one another and look fresh at who we are and what we want together. As we continue to work toward one another, plugged into our “why,” exercising interdependence and practicing self-regulation, we should be able to talk plainly together about what we do and don’t want in our lives. We can then work together to spell out ways that the relationship can support that vision.
Write it down! Revisit it often and evaluate whether the choices you are each making are moving toward your vision or away from it. Re-tool that vision at each life stage and each relationship stage. Your shared vision becomes a target toward which you aim your efforts and measure your success.
Stay tuned to this space for more healthy-enough relationship tools!
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Tiffany Sankofa, MS LCPC is a therapist in practice in Columbia, MD. If you’d like help growing your relationship, go to www.TiffanySankofa.com and contact Tiffany today. It’s time to take your life back!